on the works

the hell with new year. i am so tired of this. every year, becoming a personal slave to my mother. doing hours of labor in the kitchen while my brother plays on the computer. i am so tired of this...
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tumawag si leonard... di ko alam kung pano ko siya kakausapin. ka-flight niya lolo ko. dadating sila bukas. hindi ako sasama para sunduin sila. mahirap na. he wants us to meet. i can't. i don't want to. i have no will to do so. i am weak. or so i think. wag na no? i don't have anything to say to him rin naman eh.

christmas wasn't exciting nor fun just as i expected. mom didn't prepare noche buena, dad was at work, bro was busy flexing his fingers on the playstation and my cousins spent xmas at their significant others' houses... but it got a little tense when my uncle, who was drunk, told my mom how we walk almost two blocks just to have a smoke. and my mom's reply, "matagal ko nang alam yan.kaya nga lagi naka-chewing gum pag umuuwi para di maamoy."
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kawawa naman yung boy namin nahulog sa puno... ng niyog. taranta si ina, takbo siya at tumawag kay tita... biglang dumating ang ibang kamag-anak. kawawa naman yung boy namin naging family affair tuloy ang kanyang pagkahulog.
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last night was... FUN. since it involves mostly drunk people and money, there's nothing much to say about it except one thing. pero sobrang x-rated eh kaya wag na lang...di ba tara?

quizzes galore


You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla


Which FLCL Character Are You ?
brought to you by Quizilla


Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

okay, so i finally got back here in gapo. we were driving like crazy in the middle of the night... car has a few bumps and dents due to the inanimate objects that we happened to bump into and countless number of chickens that we run over, talk about road kill. so here i am, nothing to do. still trying to enjoy or maybe even feel the spirit of christmas.. i feel so old. well, actually i don't but bes says so. its cause i don't even enjoy christmas, hell there are plenty of people out there that are older than me who enjoy christmas every time it comes. i spent last christmas curled up on the couch sleeping, so with new year. the fireworks ddn't even wake me up. i don't have any money to spend. i haven't checked my email ever since second term break started. maybe i'll just do my new year's resolution list. that's something i could maybe actually look forward to. argh, just one more fucking day and its that time of the year. i am the personification of scrooge.

what a great way to spend christmas vacation. just staying at home doing nothing with no one to talk to... what a waste of precious time. i mean, i could be drinking myself into oblivion if only my drinking buddies were here. but no... i had to wait for a week just to be able to drink. and now, i have to walk almost one block just to have a stick. this has been such a bore...
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found my old notebooks (notebooks during 4th year hs). i'm ashamed to say that out of the nine notebooks that i bought only three have been completely used and abused. an economics notebook (with so many doodles of my past crushies), my chemistry2 notebook (with so many song lyrics) and a big scratch notebook which also doubles as a notebook for all of my other subjects whenever i felt like taking down notes. now i'm wondering what to do with the remaining six...
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pretty much been spending my holidays thinking of ways that i could kill myself. can't get hit by a car coz i wouldn't want my coffin to be too damn big in case bones can't be straightened out. can't jump off a building, big chance that while i'm in the process of falling i'm going to have to think about what i'm actually doing. can't hang myself, i'd end up having scratch marks (trying to pry loose the rope because of second thoughts) and rope burns on my neck, plus the noise that i would make while gasping for air would probably be the reason why i would be discovered even before i'm dead. can't shoot myself in the head, i'd be brain dead so i won't feel the pain but then it'd messy and they won't be able to see my pretty face *joke* in the coffin. i could always slit my wrists but that would be a bloody mess wouldn't it? also there's a chance i might be discovered even before i'm dead. i could always overdose on valiums but then i might just sleep myself to the grave. i wouldn't want to be buried alive. can't poison myself. brain is too intelligent to trick. so i'm left with a question... what's the best way to kill myself and die?
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haven't said anything about the whole failing intphil thing. but i just didn't really expect it. i mean... oh well, you won't know what i mean. there's always another chance. i just have to make sure that she won't be my prof again next time.
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consider me a dead kid. i am so in deep shit right now. i don't know if i should just go and hang myself. alright, so what if i passed algebra? i failed intphil. fuck. which means my final paper didn't even reach the grade of 74. fuck.i should have attented all those pnprs lectures. fuckin ey... what grade did i get? nah, i don't want to think about that. and my grades are really sore this term. i got a 2 in intpyla, a 1 in philhis ( i can believe that one), a p in saliksik and a 3 in artapre. fuck artapre. i don't even consider that a subject. argh! what will my gpa be this term? .5? how about cgpa? .02? am a dead kid.

hmmm... quite irritated with myself... am starting to think that britney spears is pretty... ewww... anyways, was able to watch the vma's again, uncut this time, courtesy of my lovey-dovey cousin, jam. i think britney is pretty. *throwing up now* its getting really boring here in olongapo, but the wind's cool. its like tagaytay or something, minus the view that is. anyways, i'm supposed to go back to manila tomorrow but i think i'm gonna pass on that one. all i want right now is to sleep, but i still have to wait for my blockmates to go online coz our block's supposed tp have this conference and shit... but anyway... i don't know how long i could stand doing this... i mean, doing nothing and all that... all i do is sleep everyday, not that i'm complaining but i won't be bothered by it if i was getting tall or something but no. so... i'm getting bothered... my hormones are raging this time, i want to get wasted... again. boy, this is really getting more and more pathetic by the minute. sad...
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the night of the vma's madonna french kissed britney and christina. the next day, she published a children's book. bravo madge!






*i am a sick person. i had a crush on britney because of her sick performance with madonna and christina during the vmas. h0-humm

tapos na ko sa lahat!!!!!!! i'm through with all of it! i'm sick of this shit... i just want to kickback and relax right now... am so sleepy.. i have nothing to do... i still have to go to la salle on monday for the advanced adjustment... this is getting pretty boring...

yey! friday, my favorite day of the week. because after friday comes saturday which means i get to go out, not that i don't go out on weekdays... *lol* i got through my three finals yesterday pretty well.... i was so desperate that the night before i actually prayed the rosary... me and my roomies are now getting along really fine.. its actually sad that i won't get to hang out with them a little longer.. i'll be leaving manila on monday afternoon/evening... i really think i'm gonna fail my physics lecture class... but that's fine, as long as i won't fail my physics laboratory class... i'm not sure about alge but i really hope i'll pass, coz i don't want to take it up again, that'll be the third time if i fail... i finished my paper on intphil (i revised the first one)... so i have nothing to do except to review for my philippine history class... does anyone here know what is the tydings mcduffie rehabilitation act???

hmm... just finished with the artapre finals... freaking boring and full of nonsense... got a new hobby... apparently there's a santa with a parachute hanging in the conserve lobby that moves its feet when you clap your hands twice... marie told me that... so there we went to the conserve and i clapped my hands to kingdom come... i looked like a moron. but was fun anyways... haven't finished my intphil philosophical reflection paper and i have to pass it on friday, this coming friday. turns out, i can't go home this saturday yet... argh! frustrating...

am here in gapo... saw honey again, after ages! waaaahhhh... i miss her so... i miss 'em all actually... it's been kind of a long day, but i didn't do anything... i just slept, ate and watched some tv... i'm beginning to be amazed by such contraption actually. i'll survive months without it but when i see one it's like i'm a kid in a candy store...
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salamat nga pala kay sam.... heheheheh... sobrang salamat... ambaitbait mo... wala ka nang ibabait pa... para kang si tania (in all ways)... no second thoughts... ni hindi man lang inisip na may chance na serial killers kami ni tara...
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ha! i am so happy right now. why? coz hindi na nagtatampo si marie sa kin... just got home(?) from her party at dencio's in powerplant... so cool... andun halos lahat ng ka-close and tropa and blockmates... i was kinda nervous nga kasi mamaya she might be mad at me or whatever coz i wasn't sure if i'll be able to attend, but thankfully i was able.. so yun, we ate, laughed, played charades and talked. tara was with me nga pala... saw her at powerplant with tania, so i dragged her lazy ass with me and she enjoyed it naman... it's so amazing how people seem to get along with us.. heheheheh... anyways, we drank blowjob(mmm... mmm... mmm... sarap...) and chatted longer than expected... sobrang nice talaga ni marie. i'm proud that i met her and we became close and all that shit... love ko siya... haaaayyyy... my life revolves around these kind people.. and i love it. they make my life so interesting that i don't want anything to happen to them... i owe them so much that i'm willing to risk my life for 'em... i sooooooooooo love my friends.
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i have a new crush, but i don't know her name... she has this really beautiful tummy and has this really cute australian accent when she speaks in english but no accent whatever when she speaks in filipino... haaaayyyy... i really need someone to psychoanalize me so i'd know what my sexual orientation is talaga... =P

tangina!!!! i am so fucked up now. just found out my finals sched... guess what??? three subjects on the first day!!! alge101 followed by intphys then finally intpyla... tangina, kayaning ko kaya to?? gusto ko na talaga patayin yung sarili ko...
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wala nang ibubulok pa talaga yung sched ko... i have no choice but to drop englart instead of jprizal... then i have to find out pa kung ano man yung sched ng englone, then i have to fix my sched, then god... kung ano ano pang things ang kelangan kong i-hurdle coz of that lecheng englone... susunugin ko na ang la salle... talaga.. waaaaaahhhhh... kung hindi ko lang mahal ang la salle, hindi ako magpapakahirap ng ganito... ayoko na!!!

just got out of class... uhm. that's an understatement... actuallty it's more like an hour na... i have nothing to do. i'm here at an internet cafe. i cut my last class coz i wasn't able to do what my prof wanted me to do and we had a quiz... so i just didn't want to attend. its better that way.. i'm wondering how many units i'm gonna fail this term. my fucking sched is so pathetic. i can actually puke upon seeing it.. i hate my sched and my subjects. and because the flowchart wasn't followed. i'm fucking delayed by one term. see, i had a plan. i was gonna drop jp rizal this term, then take it when i'm bout graduate, but they had to put in englart instead of bioarts. and right now my whole plan is fucking ruined. thank you registrar's office and the office of the vice dean and of course the dean's office. now, with my finals nearing, i still have to ponder what to do with my sched and subjects. what a nice way. this is certainly hell week for me. i am so pathetic i'm going to hang myself now.

even i know how to make fun of my own school...


alma matter song ng manginginom

hail hail what's the matter?
hail to san miguel!
we'll tilt your bottle high and bright
a shield of lagerlight
we'll fight to keep our spirits high
and never shall we ail
drink to the cerveza negra
hic! hic! hic!

hmm... saliksik is finally over. i think my blocmates got the shock of their lives, courtesy of yours truly... actually it was because we were supposed to write a damn fucking letter of what we would say to "god" if he was here... uhm, mine basically says to help me because i don't know what i'm doing and that i'm lost and that i'm beginning to think that i'm a danger to myself... damn faci read it in front of them but didn't say my name of course. so there, my blocmates thinks that there's a psycho on the loose in our block...
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i'm beginning to surprise my very own self... that is when i'm over-caffeinated. (for enlightenment please refer to tara's blog...) god, i start talking to strangers just for the sake of a sticker... then slipping notes through people's doors... hmmm.... maybe i should be wired for the rest of my damn fucking life... at least i'd really be the superficial bitch that everyone's talking about...